tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34947072011-04-22T05:00:24.967+08:00its a strive to honesty. Facing that consisting fear of being true. Naked, no mask, no nothing. Its basically puncturing the hard exterior of liquicap. Let the gooey stuff out. Emnoreply@blogger.comBlogger451100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1139544571604177562006-02-10T11:23:00.000+08:002006-02-10T12:09:31.643+08:00

just another day. last week was my birthday. And if i should count my blessings, exactly 14 people wished me a happy one. That includes some lengthy text message from my family with list of prayers. I got one gift. awesome. and one good night out with my recent best buds. Sighs. well kill me if i couldnt sound more enthusiastic. Thats the problem im having lately. I dont know how to be excited

Emnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1138016310656885712006-01-23T19:02:00.000+08:002006-01-23T19:38:30.716+08:00

Read it somewhere in some blog: liking your image seen through the eyes of your boyfriend. (Say it with me) "Awww..." Suddenly the cellulite does not matter, and you dont look too fat, and you are much more comfortable in that god given frame. Once you have a guy who likes everything in you, you suddenly have a much healthier sense of self image. (Say it with me) "Awwwwww..."Really. Is that how

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1137156277243709072006-01-13T20:32:00.000+08:002006-01-13T20:44:37.256+08:00

time and time again, i searched for his name. ransacked the virtual world to satiate my curiosities. How is he now. How does he look now. What has he been up to. What other things about him i can find out. What would i find in google. I recall a friend of mine when told about this, went "hahaha.. i cant believe you are still obsessed with this guy". I was slightly taken aback then, tho I did

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1136797245086077322006-01-09T16:02:00.000+08:002006-01-09T17:00:45.140+08:00

Happy New Year, Oy!! 2006. Time does fly. So what had happenned in the past 2005? Professionally: First it sucked major ass -- i couldnt believe working for major recording label can be such a cunt. I had tons of complaints in my chess, waiting to be let out -- or i can take the higher ground and forgive the motherfuckers who stabbed me good in the back. Karma does exist. And music industry

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1135680442939898482005-12-27T10:25:00.000+08:002005-12-27T18:47:22.973+08:00

8.00 amIt was dusky morning and cold. It is the day scheduled for sandwich for lunch. So I have Starbucks in mind. It doesnt taste bad, it got focacia bread and tuna with light mayo (...I think), it looks decent without pruny lettuce and smeared tomato all over it, and it's not that expensive. I woke up fairly early to get the sandwich, i thought i could also get some tofe nut latte drink that

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1133512159822995282005-12-02T16:20:00.000+08:002005-12-02T16:29:20.080+08:00

Question: why does it considered worse to eat pork rather than consuming alcohol or committing adultery in this country. All are against the islam religion. However, eating pork is a total no no. Now why is that?

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1132923092168308702005-11-25T17:51:00.000+08:002005-11-25T20:51:32.213+08:00

what would happened if i didnt choose the thing i chose. Would everything turned out differently?would i be a different person now? Would i be complete then? Or even more incomplete.What would happen if you chose to turn right instead of leftWhat would happen if you chose to leave instead of stayWhat would happen if you chose not to lookwhat would I chose if i were given the same situation

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1131956340289288962005-11-14T16:00:00.000+08:002005-11-14T16:19:00.340+08:00

Im bored out of my mind. I don't have much to do in the office anymore. Just waiting for the day I leave. I have so many inconsequential thoughts going through my mind lately. Maybe it's the result of too much free times in my hands. I was thinking, the other day, during the Ied Fitr, that this day is the most hypocritical day of all. See during Iedul Fitri it is a custom for people to ask for

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1130416309390271802005-10-27T19:39:00.000+08:002005-11-09T16:52:20.956+08:00

Once upon a time, a girl dangerously lost and painfully lonely abandoned her own family and begun adopting friends as her new family. She did everything she could to protect this new genre of "family" to the point of sacrificing her own needs and feelings even to the point of endangering herself. She did this sincerely, lovingly and unconditionally. All she cared about was that her "family" is

Emnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1130140315908396572005-10-24T15:09:00.000+08:002005-10-24T15:51:56.416+08:00

I havent really told you a lot, have i? About whats happening in my life. About the fact that 3 months ago i regretted fullheartedly about having moved to this city. About the fact that a month ago, i was asked to leave my position. In a the utmost unfair way. Story short, the girl used the non chemistry reason to base her decision. No chemistry. Like i was somekind of a trainee. somekind of an

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1129897772770966952005-10-21T18:04:00.000+08:002005-10-23T01:58:23.630+08:00

its 17th day of ramadhan. I am sunked in to the atmosphere of hunger and thirst that is thick in Jakarta. Im fasting as well. Involved in praying activities, enveloped in the excitement of getting food for "buka" and actually feel good about it. If you asked me why i did it. I wouldnt know. I maybe one of those people that go along with their surroounding without giving much protest. Because it

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1127732689641081602005-09-26T18:39:00.000+08:002005-09-26T19:04:49.693+08:00

Monday. Jakarta is a bit cloudy today, and i had my AC up to 22 cel. Woke up freezing myass off and teeth chattering wishing i had someone to wake up with. I dont know whether its the grey sky, or the AC or or its Monday thing or its that time of the month again, but i feel a little bit grey than usual. But nothing bad. I found my secret box at the bottom stash of my trash last night. Silver

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1124718477552399592005-08-22T21:39:00.000+08:002005-08-23T17:02:14.740+08:00

Lately, staircases & fire exit look more and more tempting. The steps mash into a beautiful serenade, inviting to jump. Head first. Collide with each other shadows. When we stand on top looking down, with cigarette smell and carbon residues in your fingers, the world narrows just a little bit, and you nod down, agreeing with unfulfilled promises and past regrets. Moons & suns set and sailed.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1124445256673632842005-08-19T17:22:00.000+08:002005-08-19T17:54:16.680+08:00

You know what i really want? Do you know? I want to be like those girls in movies. Polished, unblemished, and pretty. I want to be them, gyrating infront of camera, looking mighty fine with red nail polish and red lips, shine so prettily i could just eat them. I wanna be them. I wanna have that life. Looks so close but none can touch. Separated by glass, yet so inspiring to be. No one can

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1117439462587436902005-05-30T14:45:00.000+08:002005-05-31T11:17:39.086+08:00

why something doesnt cease to exist in your head. Like the first bleeding cut you had when you were a kid (mine happenned on the 5th grade tryin to bike race in unfinished road.). Like first time you attracted to a guy (mine is on 7th grade with the most popular guy in school. A brat and a jock. heh. Succeded into luring him to my trap tho, we were going out the whole semester, before i dumped

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1117115479597151782005-05-26T20:29:00.000+08:002005-05-26T21:57:27.073+08:00

Aaarrrrgghhhh. FUCKKK!!!work is killing my head now, I am fuckin overwhelmed and overworked. (im listening to static x at the moment, dunno the fuck why, just seems like the fitting music for my mood right now) God, Im ready to bash someone's head right now for no reason at all but to let go all the tension.Im doing 5 projects at the same time, that means 5 release dates, 5 Marketing plans, 5

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1117022960136546822005-05-25T19:50:00.000+08:002005-05-25T20:09:20.143+08:00

So I was asked "Do you think the 2nd trip could work"(we're talkin about this upcoming female bitch with mmm...okay voice)I took a moment to asnwer. The thing is her trip back means i have a chance to visit my island that I miss OH-SO-GODDAMN much. Not wanting to be so obvious, i went "It could work. The sponsor obviously wanted her back and she wanted to go to the island so much, the last time

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1115822235802485822005-05-11T22:36:00.000+08:002005-05-11T22:37:15.810+08:00

Texted nick. "i miss ya mate. Miss having a friend.."Its a fucking lonely city. I looked at my life now, and i felt im going backwards. I miss everything i had back then. The feeling that i matter, the feeling of acknowledgement, the feeling of satisfaction. I didnt have a lot back then. But i did have some good times. The regional music people was down in the city today, and we had long

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1113562562939806512005-04-15T18:53:00.000+08:002005-04-15T18:56:02.940+08:00

can you believe that i can count with number of fingers in my hands how many times i get a phone call in a week? That is so sad. so sad.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1112077908462068802005-03-29T14:25:00.000+08:002005-03-29T14:31:48.463+08:00

in foul mood. Feel im regressing rapidly. im kungfu kickin bruce lee screamin inside. Im in no patience to take shit from people and somewhere inside something is boiling. Im close to bootin major holy ass. beware.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1112010147954362442005-03-28T19:37:00.000+08:002005-03-28T19:43:30.480+08:00

It took 200 million seconds to begin 77 awkward words to start few tidal waves to initiate 5 bent on the fingers to know 56 closed eyes to accept (I finally did)10 days to recognize 5 years to bleed a lifetime to forget

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1111990852028935962005-03-28T13:25:00.000+08:002005-03-28T14:20:52.033+08:00

I found kos2an. Thats rental room in Indonesia (if anyone cares). Room you rent monthly to live. I was sick yesterday. But i forced myself to go and find a place of my own this sunday. Its been 2 months ive been living with my friend. Its appropriate no more. I should move out really. Thrown the bone and done eating, now look for my own. so to speak. So i did. Using the motorbike service,

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1111987219750496762005-03-28T13:06:00.000+08:002005-03-28T13:20:19.750+08:00

just look at which way he looks when he talks. I am not the one being addressed to. and just look who stands the furthest outside. Just look who ask questions the most of whats goin on. I so long for approval, it makes me feel like teenage kid again. I'm not used to this. Im used to be the one poeple depend on. It fills me with satisfaction. Disease? maybe. do you think i care? All i want now

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1111578273388595922005-03-23T18:03:00.000+08:002005-03-23T19:44:33.393+08:00

Some days have more stories than the others, and it usually relates on how strongly sentimental i am feeling at that moment. Today is one of those days. It started off last night actually, where the feeling of wanting to talk to or be with someone was critically hammering my mind which sadly didnt quite meet the end. I tried to put a lid on it by picking up Mythe of sysyphus which was a wrong

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1111149604258682542005-03-18T20:14:00.000+08:002005-03-18T20:40:04.260+08:00

Its 7:30 pm. I am alone at the office. The city lights from the window paint an amazing picture. I lean back, enjoying the silence. There's no one here, except the office boy who will wait for me until i decide to leave. He's out there watching cable tv in the meeting room, feet up i'd imagine and enjoying this slice of freedom.Me too. Enjoying slice of freedom. I walk to the door, cast my gaze

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1109824590348134392005-03-03T11:46:00.000+08:002005-03-03T12:36:30.350+08:00

oy.. i cant seem to start workin. My brain somehow stuck. unable. to. think. even writing this feels quite bland. I've been feeling weird lately. I cant seem to keep my energy up high. 6 hrs workin and im panting and mumblin like a retard. And im finding myself more often to wake up in the morning feeling so unbelievably tired. I think something is wrong. I dont know what but its enough to make

Emnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1109656123069034512005-03-01T12:55:00.000+08:002005-03-15T13:06:13.310+08:00

Mulai males dgn kerjaan. Mulai perlu dorongan untuk ngerjain kerjaan. Mulai trying to seek reason to go on to work in the morning. Mulai having thoughts of skipping work. Mulai wondering whether im makin a right decision, or am i just going to waste my time here. Mulai feeling a tad (no. thats understatement) a lot acerbic with the way people handle things in this office. Mulai feeling grouchy.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1108645999387658122005-02-17T16:59:00.000+08:002005-02-17T21:13:19.390+08:00

It's nice to see other's blogs. Its nice to see other people's misery, tears, stupid mistakes, realities. Its nice when its not your own. Its nice when you can live from the outside, like audience in the theatre, and clap when its good, cry when its sad, stand up and walk out when its over. Without any burden. without consequences. Nice to be that simple. I wish..sometimes.. to not have my own

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1107760197935756382005-02-07T13:46:00.000+08:002005-02-08T19:29:31.656+08:00

Boy... its gonna be a looooong month. My new work place. hmmm. A bit tricky. Its exactly my 20th day i am here in this company, and i am still finding myself surprised with its unpredictability. Days in week are varied in so many manners. The characters are pretty difficult to grab on and many times i end up going home with (choose one of the belows): 1. Huh? what was that about? 2.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1107436230843493942005-02-03T20:55:00.000+08:002005-02-03T21:10:30.843+08:00

buh. yeah. right. see i am never big on birthdays. I think its just a waste of time. Plus you need to invest extra energy to reply to b'day messages + the smiling (while you dont even feel like smiling)+ that fake thank you face. Its a bit of hard work if you ask me. Most annoying greetings usually come from my family. Usually they do that at 6 in the morning. One time even 5. Figure that.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1107263756743377182005-02-01T21:15:00.000+08:002005-02-01T21:15:56.743+08:00

tomorrow is my bday. Shit.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1107246466926967642005-02-01T16:20:00.000+08:002005-02-01T21:17:26.500+08:00

I hate my boss. She makes my blood boil. She's fuckin insecure, self important beyatch who thinks everybody is after her job. Dammit, I've only been here 10 days and i have come to full understanding on why she is labeled step mother by her staffs. Who can blame them? The woman is impossible to work with. The fuck. I am her immediate subordinate, and Im new. Already ive been gettin signals

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1107147209735078022005-01-31T11:39:00.000+08:002005-01-31T12:53:29.736+08:00

aite, here we go. I'm in new place. I am bound to see something different. as a matter of fact i wanted this cure of boredom. This change. I cursed my ennergyless and lethargical period in the island. I muttered the crave to get out of there over and over again. I longed to fill my eyes with more energetic stare. So i decided to walk away. On new year. Start everything all over again. Be

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1106807169983065662005-01-27T14:04:00.000+08:002005-01-27T14:38:15.710+08:00

I miss my island. I miss it so much i want to cry. Im in the city now. Wake up at 7 on the dot every single day, put on make up, get out of the house at exactly 8.45, get on the bike transport thing, go to the office and work my ass off. Every. Single. Day. I like my job. really, I do. I am just not sure with the city. I think about my island in every motor ride in the morning, feeling

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1106141117494044122005-01-19T21:13:00.000+08:002005-01-19T21:25:17.496+08:00

here we are on earth together. You and I. so... the tabla man has just revealed that he'd broken up with his 1,5 yr girlfriend. I cant help but yelling out "YESSSSSSS!!!". :) Anyway, lots of stories to be jotted down in here. Lots. I will do so later. Meanwhile...toot!

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1105284826802858962005-01-09T23:05:00.000+08:002005-01-09T23:33:46.803+08:00

I guess you should never procrastinate. This is an advise i should be telling myself over and over again. It is my new year resolution, and a week away from the initial ball drop, i have already messed it up. How hopeless. I should stop making resolution. Anyway. Too many things happened in the past 8 days. New years eve. My farewell party. Too many. I dont know where to start. I

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1105069327792010282005-01-07T11:35:00.000+08:002005-01-07T11:42:07.793+08:00

seems to have lost the ability of telling stories here. Seriously. I had chains of events worth to note, and just cant get the words out of my mouth. I need to organize my thoughts. Be back later.

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1104413437007226992004-12-30T21:19:00.000+08:002004-12-30T21:30:37.006+08:00

I woke up late again today. Felt like shit and sat around for half an hour to gather myself. The thought of producing new years eve was squeezing so hard and i had this unbearable urge to let go and give up. My cats were curling up beside me after having big breakfast and i looked around my room for food only to find chips and cigarettes. And water. I really didnt feel like moving today, let

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1104142155392213882004-12-27T17:14:00.000+08:002004-12-27T21:32:27.330+08:00

The turning point of my life event mustve happened 4 yrs ago. I remember i wasnt this cynical before. I remember i was in continuous relationship abuse and still able to smile. I was a goddamed mary poppins then. Livin together with this real fucked up boyfriend who cheated on me, went in to hazy drug periode for some crap bullshit of wanting to understand why my boyfriend is such a fuckin

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1103910467889826332004-12-25T01:27:00.000+08:002004-12-25T01:48:31.660+08:00

Tonight is one of the party i produce. And im tipsy. Its christmas night, and i have been listening to rock all night since soundcheck this afternoon. I am supposed to feature this newborn underground new wave band called ENOLA GAY. JOy division, new order, tears for fears, the cure, all that shit and i've been mesmerized since the beginning. And tonight is their performance. So.. I've been

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1102939078853264192004-12-13T18:18:00.000+08:002004-12-13T19:57:58.853+08:00

Dont you just hate mondays? I do. I hate mondays. I hate everything in it. I hate everything that monday represents. The firts day after the weekend. Everybody seems to have the business of rushing people, deadlines suddenly on your face, phone does not stop ringing, and you end up trying to lower your pitch answering people who call you just to CHIT CHAT!!! Theres another thing i hate. New

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1102675017797021532004-12-10T17:34:00.000+08:002004-12-10T18:36:57.806+08:00

Ok. After the press conference, here comes the concert day. And there he is again at the soundcheck. Arrrgh!! Why is it so damn hard to hold the attraction?!! What is it about this guy anyway? Or more, What is with me!! The guy is obviously bad news!! He has a girlfriend, cheated on her with me when all the while knowing that both me and the gf know each other. He cant kiss (he's the world

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1102593790448103372004-12-09T19:35:00.000+08:002004-12-09T20:08:44.616+08:00

Its another day at work. Xcept for press conference of the super heroes (its a band btw, i refuse to name it here afraid that i'd reveal something i regret later). Well the story is, the vocalist and I used to have a thing in a past. And since those affairs, none of us go out to public places that often anymore due to our non anonimity status in public. Blah, fame is a pleasure only when you

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-1102576686359747312004-12-09T13:53:00.000+08:002004-12-09T20:13:25.863+08:00

I' ve been meaning to add this movie to my dvd collection, yet for some reason called it off everytime. Various reasons, really. Mostly because i thought it to be too mainstream. But last night, i finally picked it up and bought it. Ahhh...how i reminded on why i liked it so much. The quiet feel of it, the pain of unrequited emotions, the false illusion of success, and that one grippin ache

Emnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3494707.post-762121952002-05-06T15:27:00.000+08:002002-05-06T15:27:34.306+08:00

Monday Afternoon: so what's up with this grumpy mood. Karena ga ke Karaoke? Bok! Maybe you should go to that Karaoke place. whats it called again? Happy Puppy? wiuahahahaha. (this is laughing out lout as you can tell!!) You know what I think? I think you just looking for an excuse to have a bad mood today. It's not the Karaoke, it's not that-hello-Im-

Emnoreply@blogger.com0